feed me. and deal with my feelings.

Uh so remember when I talked about food ALL the time? Well, after a bit of a lifestyle restructure I don't have as much to talk about. I'm exclusively eating a whole/clean food diet until I say when. Basically, much like my current approach to boys, I'm asking my food "Are you good enough to be inside of me?"  because I need quality, not quantity, thanks.  Today marks 12 days of being alcohol, soy, and refined sugar free and eating very little gluten (oh, and loser dick free) How do I feel? Pretty good- although the arrival of my period sent my life into a tizzy and had me frantically googling " flourless sugarless low fat chocolate cake" from my bed yesterday. I did find this recipe for a chocolate cake using quinoa that I might just make once I feel like I've actually earned it. I found a far superior recipe that was vegan and far more appealing but of course, now I can't find it. I also have to be prepared for the fact that I will probably eat the entire fucking thing. In my bed. Alone. While watching something that has to with Ryan Gosling.

However, I did make this  morrocan chickpea and zucchini stew the other night. While not chocolate it was still pretty good after I basically remade the recipe which, if you had followed the OG directions would leave you with soup. So chef's choice, but here's mine

• 1 tablespoon vegetable oil 
• 2 cups (1/2-inch) cubed zucchini
• 1 cup chopped onion 
• 1 cup chopped carrot 
• 4 cloves crushed garlic
• 1/4-1/2c raisins (golden would be delightful)
• 3+ sliced turkish apricots
• 1/4c+ fresh grated ginger
• 1 1/4 teaspoons ground ginger
• 2+ tablespoons ground cumin
• 1 tablepoon ground coriander
• 1/2 teaspoon salt 
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon fresh cracked black pepper
• Pinch of cayenne
• 1 19oz cans chickpeas (garbanzo beans), drained
• 1 1/2 c salt free canned diced tomatoes (a big can is around 28oz, I scooped most of the 'matoes out and left most of the liquid behind)
  
  Saute the first 4 ingredients in medium heat until softish (technical term, yes). Add in the remaining ingredients, bring to a boil, cover, simmer, eat. If you let this sit for a day, the flavors get extra flavory. Best served with a dollop of greek yougurt, a squeeze of lemon, chutney or  freshly chopped apple and mint, and some toasted almonds or crushed pistachios on top. Serve with red quinoa, couscous is gross and not good enough to be in you!
  
  Then get Mr. Gosling to do your dishes

ps : I really fucking love Amelia Aspen, I remember the day when I was 17 and went up to her bad ass self in psych 104 and said "are you Motorjoan?" and she came and sat with me. Then we were pals. She wrote this post in her blog and it made me sob because as someone who was bullied her whole fucking life, who has the most fucked up body image and self esteem issues ever, and who daily hates and despises her body I needed that slap in the face. I do the best to deal with her but it's a long drawn out battle. Some days I love this body and what it can and has done and other days, especially when I see shit like this  I want to never leave my bed. So then I looked at other bellies and felt like a female human again but most importantly, like a woman. So basically, lets run around in our underpants, eat like we've never eaten before and dance like everyone's watching. Because they can't take their fucking eyes off of us.

xfuckingo